Thoughts about coming home

After coming back to Singapore, I have mixed feelings about my life or how it has been for the past 3 years or so. Obviously i am happy to see my friends but slowly and unknowingly certain bad snippets of my life have crept back to haunt me. It is not the physical object or the imagery or whatever. But what surfaced was the hidden feelings. I have to move forward bravely in order to change my mental state according to Death. But to do that is not easy it would have to be something that just snaps suddenly in my head. I do not know whether it is better to stay lost from society to get myself back but i has been mentioned when I get out of this crazy psyche I will definitely be a changed person again. I have changed so much I just want to change to be a happier me like in the past. Unfortunately, that is impossible as I know its not happening.

All these feelings magnified when I went clubbing with a nice friend R. He was really nice to just get out of the house spontaneously so I thank him for that. I saw some interesting people especially one that looked like Edward Cullen. Was really intrigued by him than I saw a sarong party gay. Just covalent bonded himself on to him and they started dancing thats fine. Next thing you know they were in a heated lips smashing tournament of some sorts. Well the guy was like 190 or something his hair is like Edward Cullen. So intriguing for me. I decided to take a closer look at that spore and I just hate THESE (singlet a bit muscled and obviously mary) things more and more. Its okay to like a W if you know the person slowly and not attached yourself like a morsel on to him. Well, as I watched this horrific tragedy I questioned myself why didn't I just do the same thing as he did. I realised I just couldn't. I felt sad because I knew I did not want to change to be a person to be like that. Its true. the more modern society gets the less human or morally correct you become. I am getting tired of this. Maybe I am just old-fashioned. I dont know I felt depressed. Like I could not fit in properly at all. Even if I wanted to be this slushy drink spilled on him allowing him to lick me I wont be able to do it. There were no conversations between them at all. I am probably just being crazy but as myself I just felt something that no words could describe it.